Effectiveness:
A beautiful skill of self knowing, effectiveness asks us to be present in getting our needs met. To skim the surface and give a little taste, effectiveness (not to be confused or misunderstood with the harmful, consequential demands of constantly being productive or highly efficient) invites us to not assume that others know our values, boundaries and needs. Deceptively simple, this skill is about doing what works. For example if you have a goal of slowing down a little bit, you can certainly guarantee that the limits of this will be tested by others asking for your time and attention, if you want to ramp up a bit and be included in more activities and demands, others may not know that this is your desire and it may feel as though you are excluded. Effectiveness asks us to return to our needs and desires again and again and do that most vulnerable thought, behavior, and action–put them out into the world with nobody’s stamp on them but our own. It is easier at times, and of course there are many reasons for this, there is no judgement from this end as I truly know this struggle, to wait for another to give us permission or a green light or a paved path to express our needs and desires. It can feel naked and triggering to stand by our needs. It can also feel naked and triggering when these needs were not expressed and they were trampled upon or unmet, it can touch upon our deepest of wounds and attachments. Effectiveness, in all its loveliness and grittiness, calls us to stay curious about these needs, follow them into the tunnels of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and come out the other side a little clearer, with our ear a little less tuned to distracting noise, a leaning more to the self.