Meditation means to be in the moment as it is.
Acceptance.
On this snowy day, the digits barely registering past 9,
The older two making the bus in some sort of happy fashion,
The youngest on the floor, playing and entertaining and
Making a whole world all of his own.
She asked, she guided, she invited to go to the place of
Habitual stickiness and to see if I could bring some
Kindness and compassion to rest even further in that place.
There are many swirls of thoughts in my head,
Many an uncomfortable situation I want, need, hope
To have answers to.
I am worried, and besodden with grief in this place.
And to accept a moment as it is, to be with my life,
My meditation this morning means I need to complete
The tasks I start.
For once I begin to jump from thing to thing, thought to
Thought, tab to tab,
I am done for.
I am reaching for anything to numb me at that point,
Distilled or processed or that age old pattern of keeping myself
So wound up and busy that rest is an elusive thing to me.
Meditation equals looking at the ways I hurt myself with my
Eyes opened.
And offering some sort of grace there.
I am trying my best and sometimes that means
I am not doing the best thing for me.
Ah.
What a confusion sometimes these folds of brain matter,
And vagus nerve and old, old responses.
Meditation allows me to look gently at this human condition,
The weight of being mammalian, and also the choices
I have afforded to me, with my developed frontal lobe,
With my consciousness of SELF.
I breathe deeper so I may try and try again,
I breathe deeper so I may open my eyes with love.