This card to me is not about family and kids and getting all that you desire, but rather, that hard, uncomfortable and beautiful skill of Radical Acceptance. Of bringing who you are to the party and drinking from the well, nourishing yourself with the many gifts of joy that present themselves throughout the day. Now more than ever I feel the truthfulness of tending to my pains, my sufferings, not only for myself, but for those that came before me and those that come after me. I pulled this card as an anchor today and tenderly wrote the following:
The thing is I was hoping I’d be more special, I was hoping I’d be less human and messy and not yell and not shit and not want mcdonald’s french fries and margaritas, I was hoping that I could get packaged in wisdom and intellect and a golden hue of divine light and blessing. Not so, not so says the soul. Here I am. Y’all i’m messy AF, and even writing these words I feel strong and sheepish at the same time, there is a voice that says ‘who the hell do you think you are’ and my other voice says ‘I dunno, but she’s grand, isn’t she?’ look at her making it happen, look at her trying all this shit and getting back up and being a woman, a beautiful, powerful woman packaged in all her pulpy, perfect glory? She needs some love and tending and hope and healing, she needs beauty and nature and bread and sex and wine and cuddles and giggles and surrender and revelations and stupid, funny movies and gardens and zippers and hemorrhoid cream and tweezing nipple hairs, she needs a grocery list and takeout pizza after she buys veggies, she needs and she needs and she needs and she is beginning to know it, to own it, and with that golden whisper she has already broken through multitudes of silence and stuffing and harm. Here she is with her needs and her wants and her hopes and fears and her voice, God, have you heard and felt her voice? She asks again, she asks quiet, she asks loud, she asks and she asks and she asks.