All the time it took to get you out of my system, not even like my actual system, like my System, system. Like the rituals of waking and moving and shaking about. The pauses in between sessions and dinners and bathroom breaks. You permeated. Not in a lovely, sentimental way, You permeated like a bug,…
When i was 15 my mom took me took a doctor for my weight. I had begun to balloon when they started doing drugs, when he started to hit her And to hit us And I found the deepest of solaces in packages and crumbs and filled pantries. It was the closest thing I had…
I am 40 years old today.Do I look back or look forward? Maybe push my eyes to the side and do both? My nose torn between scents on both sides. My 30’s were an ass kicker. And yet, and yet, and yet. I emerged victorious. A whole decade of being torn and stitched and put…
He yelled at me It’s been a week since Hugh yelled at me. A big, barreled, panicked yell. Did it scare me? Hell yes it did. Powerlessness is not the easiest mountain to traverse. I either buck up and back, ready to clock, or I curl up, Knees to chest. Usually it’s a combination, a…
Hello Ame, Ame. How are you my sweets? You know what happened today? You weighed yourself and you are 214 pounds. You know how I know this is a love letter? Because you are wearing your sassy boots, the ones you got for yourself when you turned 40, you have a pink lip on and…
I encountered a lion yesterday, a big ole scary gnarly grizzly bear. Clothed in degrees and whiteness and a rounded, distended belly, full of spite, hungry for me, juicy, anger at me, a buzz in their ear. I matched them in arms, you go, I go. I felt my frontal lobe slip, but, in a…
Hey Honey boo, Oh my dear sweets, I am so, so thankful for you. Look what you accomplished. Just look. Do you see it? I remember that night on that trampoline under the stars and we made a wish. Do you recall? The wish, which would become a call, was to break it all. Your…
My favorite part of a human mammal is the back of their neck. How deliciously soft and delicate it can be and also pinches and pulses with muscles. When my babies were small I cupped that place, there, it felt like down feathers and soft silk, I couldn’t keep my fingertips away from it. When…
Meditation means to be in the moment as it is. Acceptance. On this snowy day, the digits barely registering past 9, The older two making the bus in some sort of happy fashion, The youngest on the floor, playing and entertaining and Making a whole world all of his own. She asked, she guided, she…
It smells like birthday candles in my living room, Burnt wax and a single stream of rising smoke. My youngest son has blown out the small flame dedicated To our ancestors, a request for blessings and an expression of gratitude, His little voice murmured wishes and sweet incantations, I overhead I wish you were still…